I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
