remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
