"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
