I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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