i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
