is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
