You smell like a Billy Joel song
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
