Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
