i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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