its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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