can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
