She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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