So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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