chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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