Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
