dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
