hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
