one two three fourrrrnication!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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