and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
