They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
