She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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