I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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