i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
