ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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