We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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