Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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