Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
