I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
