She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
