i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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