I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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