I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
