Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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