dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
