we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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