it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
operation have a gay friend backfired
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
