i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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