My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
