I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
