I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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