Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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