Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
birth control should be required to get into college
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
