you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
