upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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