its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
