Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
