She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
