can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
