Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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