Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
