SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
